This is why some people not want children

 

This is why some people not want children

In a distant past, I had a friend who had been raped during most of her early childhood by her maternal grandfather. Her mother never believed her.

At some point in the whole ordeal of growing up in a family which fed on her body and in which her mom ignored her every scream, her favorite uncle joined the abuse, and it left her more broken than she ever was.

Much later, during the course of the investigation and trial which happened in the aftermath of her confessing to a school teacher, she found out that her favorite uncle had also been sexually abused by his father — her maternal grandfather — from a very early age, and it was virtually impossible for her to understand why he had turned the way he did.

But there definitely was a mechanism that had turned a victim — her favorite uncle — into an abuser. In some way, it had totally screwed him up in a way that his most dreadful pains twisted him into his own abuser — his own dad.

So she decided that she never was to be a mother.

Not because she hated children, and not because she did not want to be a mom — she refused to be in a position to hurt her own future child through a mechanism she would not be able to comprehend, nor control. She did not want to become like her favorite uncle.

(In some sense, she wanted to be the best mom of children that would never be born.)

Her favorite uncle later thanked her, and he really meant it. He had needed redemption all along, and could not control the monster that his own father had thrusted into himself when he was just a boy. Her grandfather loathed her though.

And her mom — who never should have been a mom — never spoke to her again.

(How lonely we can be.)